The Boomerang

Next week, my son graduates from college. It’s a great accomplishment for him; he’s worked hard and overcome significant challenges to achieve this goal. His graduation is also a milestone for my husband and me as parents. We’re proud of the ways he’s grown while he’s been away, and we’re excited to see where his future takes him.

When the pomp and circumstance is over, though, when the boxes have been packed and the apartment has been emptied and goodbyes to friends and roommates are complete, we’ll be coming home with one extra human. Our son is a boomerang.

The term “boomerang generation” was coined way back in 2012 to refer to the group of college graduates who move back to their parents’ homes each year, but its pervasiveness has never been greater. One-third of college students do the boomerang. Though they took the leap at 18 of leaving home for a dorm room, they can’t quite handle the bigger leap of living completely on their own.

Being a boomerang isn’t a bad thing, and college grads do it for a lot of reasons. I was a boomerang myself. I lived with my parents even after landing a full-time job, as I needed some time on my meager starting salary as a copy editor at a newswire to afford monthly expenses in the Washington, D.C. area. Then, I was back home 18 months later, having started graduate school full time. My parents welcomed me, both times, with open arms and no rent. My son, too, has a motivation and a plan for the time he lives at home: he’ll be studying for and applying to law school.

Finances, of course, are the number one reason young adults move home with their parents, salaries at many entry-level professional positions don’t allow 22-year-olds — many with hefty college loans —enough financial freedom to live on their own. Other theories share the conversation, though. Some blame the over-saturation of the market; with more people going to college, there’s a glut of qualified candidates and not enough positions. Others claim that “failure to launch” is a result of helicopter parenting, which has produced a generation of college graduates emotionally and logistically unprepared to fly the coop.

Parents’ attitudes and scenarios about boomerang kids range from joy to resentment to cautious acceptance. When he first realized our son was moving home, my husband threatened to “jump off the roof,” rather than revert to the daily routine of cleaning and picking up after our son that pervaded our four walls during his high school years. We’ve created some house rules that will be established from day one. They don’t include paying rent, but that stick may come into use as a consequence. One mom I know can’t wait for her daughter to move back home after graduation so they can continue the day-to-day relationship that mom’s been missing for four years. I have one friend who finished the basement of her home in anticipation that her daughter will live at home until she’s 30. This mom of a freshman college student just knows her kid and doesn’t expect the four college years to transform her beyond recognition. Another friend recently downsized, despite the fact that her 25-year-old lives with her and her husband. She said the move isn’t really meant to push her son out, but having less living space just might provide extra motivation. A slew of articles provide guidance on navigating this life change, with tips and tricks to keep everyone sane.

Attitudes and scenarios range on the other side of the bedroom door as well. Our kids lose privacy, autonomy, and even part of their identity when they return to their childhood abode. One piece I read broke it down for the graduate, with the sections “Why Moving Back Home Will Suck” versus “Why Moving Home Won’t Be So Bad.”

So as this season of diplomas and baccalaureate ceremonies commences, parents would do well to prepare themselves with reflection, perspective, and some handy strategies for the re-entrance of a young adult into their household. The game of parenting has not ended, but its rules have shifted. Our kids have reached a weighty moment in their young lives, and if we meet it with patience and good humor, it could be a growth experience for all of us.